It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
