I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
