My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
