im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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