I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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