dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
