saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
