The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
