im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize