Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
