Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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