Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the raccoons are back...
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