He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
