I need help removing her.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
