I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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