I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
