Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
