Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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