I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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