I think I just saw someone hide a body.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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