I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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