is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
