This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
