Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
