Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
