I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
