He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
