Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
