making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
