Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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