I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At least life still wants to fuck me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
