But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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