I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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