Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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