Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
