I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
