you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
