Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
