weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
