Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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