fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
