I CAN MOONWALK!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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