I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
