When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
