All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
