hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
