The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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