he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
