New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
