was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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