is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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