tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
