ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
send nudes
from the living room?
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