I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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