Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
