You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
