I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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