I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
