this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
