I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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