Sry I called you an 8
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
