I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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