bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
