I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bring me that man meat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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