So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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