did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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