but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
