5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
