they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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