I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
