So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
