I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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