Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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