we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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