return my video game
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Randomize
