im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
