sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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